SOULMATE SEARCHING

I'm mostly using this blog as an outlet for my feelings and observations about my life. I don't update regularly, but only when something of interest happens in my life.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Thanksgiving

So Thanksgiving has come and gone. I didn't get to go see my family, but I got to spend it with Melissa's family. Her brother TJ hung out with us for most of the weekend and her sister Marci did too. I got to see John, though I had to go kidnap him from his family and he could only stay for a few hours and we talked Lindsay into coming over and hanging out too. It was really good to see them. The rest of the weekend was spent working. I took Thursday off but worked all day Friday, Saturday I worked 9-2 and Sunday I worked 10:30-1:30. Went to Goodwill in Hutch Satuday and spent way too much money, but got some really nice shirts. Then turned around Sunday and spent even more at Wal-mart. LOL; Easy come, Easy go, I guess. Well, TJ is coming back for Christmas and so is John. But I really want to go home and see the family and maybe hang out with some of my old High School friends.

I got Melissa's and Ms. Hall's gifts already and I picked up some shirts for my parents. Now all I have to do is find something for the rest of the people on my list. And I'm running out of time! AHHHH!!!! It's also starting to look like I'll be spending New Years alone again. Holidays always seem to be the perfect time to run people out of my life. Not sure why that is.

The weather today is really sucky. Rainy, foggy, cold as a Witches Titty in a brass bra. lol I could go for some hot cocoa and my book beside a fire. But there's no way I'm getting that. lol, wishful thinking.

anyway, hope you all had a good Holiday and are planning great things for the next 6-8 weeks.

~Timmy

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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Thankful

Thankful for...


So, Thanksgiving is near and people are starting to think about what they are thankful for. Why do we confine ourselfs to being thankful for just one day? Or why do we confine our gift giving to a couple days a year? I think the world would be a better place if we were thankful everyday and gave gifts just because.

Anywho,

1) I am thankful that I have work. I might complain about going but I am thankful that I can bring home a paycheck.

2) I am thankful that Fuel prices are where they are. It makes me appreciate the privelage of being able to drive myself to work.

3) I am thankful that I Can complain about the price of fuel and of going to work. It makes me appreciate living in the country that I do.

4) I am thankful that for the soldiers that keep other countries from imposing their ways on us. They go to work so I can go to work.

5) I am thankful for being in good health. I have all five of my senses, all my appendages, and all my insides. Some people are not so lucky.

6) I am thankful that I have a home to call my own. Some people don't.

7) I am thankful that I have to decide what to wear each day. Some people only have what they are wearing.

8) I am thankful for my loving family and friends. They show me that I am not alone in the world.

9) I am thankful for the little things that make me smile and laugh.

10) I am thankful that I have reasons to be thankful. Because I know that some people have nothing.



Ok, it was difficult to think of just 10 things to be thankful for. I know there are more but they are things that we take for granted everyday. Many people make lists of what they are thankful for this time of year, but they don't take time to really think about what they ARE thankful for. It's not hard to be thankful for cable, internet, cell phones, ipods, and all the rest of that Crap. But Thankful for it? Not really. How about being thankful for education and opportunities? For being able to enjoy those distractions until our parents kick us out of their homes to fend for ourselves? Kids in other countries go to work when they are old enough to do the work. They don't have the choice of going to school or getting a job, because their parents can't support them. Kids today should be thankful they can play soccer, and not have to make the balls. That they have name brand clothes to wear and don't have to make them. That they have food to eat and don't go to bed hungry evey night. That they can read and write and think for themselves, that they have people besides their parents that care about what happens to them. That they can dream about the day they can run a company or be a model or be on TV, or just raise a family of their own. Thankful that they have the option of making something of their lives other than scraping by day to day.

Just be thankful that you can take everything for granted. That we can worry about how we look, and what we have, and where we are going.

Just be Thankful.

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Why

I Want To Fly Away
Echos of light, Shining out of the midst of
Nothing, Brighter than any Unnatural light...
Illuminating My Darkened path


Why does it eat me up inside to consider telling my parents that I'm gay? Am I worried that they will love me less? Maybe. Am I worried that they will disown me? Maybe. Should I be worried that their love is conditional? No, but I do. They must know, surely after 26 years of knowing me, they know. Right? Why can't people be born with instruction manuels? It would make things so much easier. "In case of turn to chapter..." See, much easier. Hmm, maybe someone should write one of these manuals.
But really, why is it so hard to tell the people I love and so easy to tell a stranger on the street? People I know have already formed opinions about me. That's the problem, do I tell them something that will change the way they see and think about me? Is it my place to inform the ignorant of something so blatently obvious? Is Ignorance truly bliss? Maybe that works in more than one way. Am I truly happy knowing that my family doesn't "know" something this personal about me? Are they? Is leading a double life really worth the stress, worry and angst that goes along with it? Why can't everyone just know? Why does this have to be so damned hard?
Hopefully answers are forthcoming.
till then...

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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

quotes

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." ~Robin Tyler

Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.
~James A. Baldwin


In itself, homosexuality is as limiting as heterosexuality: the ideal should be to be capable of loving a woman or a man; either, a human being, without feeling fear, restraint, or obligation. ~Simone de Beauvoir

Disapproval of homosexuality cannot justify invading the houses, hearts and minds of citizens who choose to live their lives differently.
~Harry A. Blackmun

I believe that the fact and the reality of homosexuality and heterosexuality and of opposite and same-gender unions should be taught in our public schools without a value judgement system also being offered.
~Ed Case

What do you mean you don't believe in homosexuality? It's not like the Easter Bunny, your belief isn't necessary.
~Lea DeLaria

The Jews have never been ashamed of being Jews, whereas homosexuals have been stupid enough to be ashamed of their homosexuality.
~Rainer W. Fassbinder

I accept people for who they are and love them. That doesn't mean I have to agree or that I have to turn my back on the tenets of my faith and reject the tenets of my faith when it comes to homosexuality.
~Ed Gillespie

I realize that homosexuality is a serious problem for anyone who is - but then, of course, heterosexuality is a serious problem for anyone who is, too. And being a man is a serious problem and being a woman is, too. Lots of things are problems.
~Edward Gorey

Jesus never said anything about homosexuality.
~Patricia Ireland

It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain.
~Francis Maude

It's incorrect in my opinion to classify the religious right as the opponent to homosexuality because there are as many queer rightists as there are leftists.
~Mark Morris

I always say that as a Christian I cannot find any passage in the Gospels in which Jesus condemned homosexuality.
~Troy Perry

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.
~Yakov Smirnoff

I don't think homosexuality is a choice. Society forces you to think it's a choice, but in fact, it's in one's nature. The choice is whether one expresses one's nature truthfully or spends the rest of one's life lying about it.
~Marlo Thomas

I think heterosexuality and homosexuality are a kind of psychosis, and the truth is somewhere in the middle.
~Jeanette Winterson

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.
~Lynn Lavner

Homosexuality is god's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children. ~Sam Austin

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law.
~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.
~Rita Mae Brown, speech, 28 August 1982

War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting? ~The Value of Families

If time and space are curved, where do all of the straight people come from? ~Author Unknown

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats. ~Elton John

I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother. ~Charles Pierce, 1980

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. ~Dennis Miller

Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole. ~Judy Carter

My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. ~W. Somerset Maugham

From various bumper stickers: My sexual orientation? Horizontal, usually. ~ I can't even think straight. ~ Let's get one thing straight, I'm not. ~ Straight But Not Narrow ~ Closets are for clothes. ~ I'm not a lesbian but my girlfriend is. ~ I'm not gay but my boyfriend is. ~ Equal rights are not special rights. ~ Homophobia is a social disease.

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?" ~John Stewart

If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic." ~Shelly Roberts

One should no more deplore homosexuality than left-handedness. ~Towards a Quaker View of Sex, 1964

The one bonus of not lifting the ban on gays in the military is that the next time the government mandates a draft we can all declare homosexuality instead of running off to Canada. ~Lorne Bloch

Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons. ~Letter to the editor, The Advocate

There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved. ~Boy George

Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul. ~Bruce Bawer, The Advocate, 28 April 1998

What are you trying to protect heterosexual marriages from? There isn't a limited amount of love in Iowa. It isn't a non-renewable resource. If Amy and Barbara or Mike and Steve love each other, it doesn't mean that John and Mary can't. ~Ed Fallon

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS from giving money to television preachers? ~Elayne Boosler

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. ~Woody Allen

The important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself. ~Gore Vidal

As long as society is anti-gay, then it will seem like being gay is anti-social. ~Joseph Francis

If Michelangelo had been straight, the Sistine Chapel would have been wallpapered. ~Robin Tyler

The Lord is my Shepherd and he knows I'm gay. ~Rev. Troy Perry

An engineering professor is treating her husband, a loan officer, to dinner for finally giving in to her pleas to shave off the scraggly beard he grew on vacation. His favorite restaurant is a casual place where they both feel comfortable in slacks and cotton/polyester-blend golf shirts. But, as always, she wears the gold and pearl pendant he gave her the day her divorce decree was final. They're laughing over their menus because they know he always ends up diving into a giant plate of ribs but she won't be talked into anything more fattening than shrimp. Quiz: How many biblical prohibitions are they violating? Well, wives are supposed to be 'submissive' to their husbands (I Peter 3:1). And all women are forbidden to teach men (I Timothy 2:12), wear gold or pearls (I Timothy 2:9) or dress in clothing that 'pertains to a man' (Deuteronomy 22:5). Shellfish and pork are definitely out (Leviticus 11:7, 10) as are usury (Deuteronomy 23:19), shaving (Leviticus 19:27) and clothes of more than one fabric (Leviticus 19:19). And since the Bible rarely recognizes divorce, they're committing adultery, which carries the rather harsh penalty of death by stoning (Deuteronomy 22:22). So why are they having such a good time? Probably because they wouldn't think of worrying about rules that seem absurd, anachronistic or - at best - unrealistic. Yet this same modern-day couple could easily be among the millions of Americans who never hesitate to lean on the Bible to justify their own anti-gay attitudes. ~Deb Price, And Say Hi To Joyce

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. ~Johann von Goethe

The plague of mankind is the fear and rejection of diversity: monotheism, monarchy, monogamy and, in our age, monomedicine. The belief that there is only one right way to live, only one right way to regulate religious, political, sexual, medical affairs is the root cause of the greatest threat to man: members of his own species, bent on ensuring his salvation, security, and sanity. ~Thomas Szasz

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tragic loss

Yesterday at about 10 till 5, I get a phone call informing me that a friend had been in a motorcycle accident and died. What a sucky way to end the day! Granted, I was not close to 'Ox' in any way, but a lot of my other close friends were. It's a hard hit to lose yet another friend in this way, all because some stupid driver wasn't paying attention (ohh, "the sun was in my eyes.") Why can't people just slow down when they are having problems like that? I don't know all the specifics of the accident but still...
anyways~

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