Dream

Last night or more like early this morning, I was dreaming of the first guy I fell for. I really thought that after ten years I would be over him, but I guess I was wrong.
Anyway, in the dream, I run into Wes and his wife at the State Fair. I catch his attention and he makes an excuse to seperate from his wife and meets me in the bathroom. We start making out pretty heavily and then move to the back stall. I check the adjoing stalls and there is noone else there. When I turn to face Wes he has taken his shirt off and I begin kissing and touching him. Someone then enters the bathroom and we put our shirts back on and leave. The rest of the dream is of us looking for a place to continue our tryst away from our friends and everyone else.

Talk about wishful thinking. I don't even know what brought this dream on. I was not thinking about Wes yesterday, I was actually thinking about Justin. Another friend that I probably have a snowball's chance in hell with. Mostly because he's married. Hopefully Justin is the last married, straight guy I fall in love with.

Dear...

Do you know how hard I have to try so that I don't overstep our growing friendship? Do you know how much I really want to kiss you when you look at me with that half smile?
Do you know how hard you make it for me to tell myself no every time?
Do you know how often I think about you though out the day?
Do you know how much you seem to unintentionally flirt with me when we are around each other?
If you ever divorce, do you know how fast I will be at your side?
Do you know that I sit on the fence between respect for your marriage and lusting for you?
All this and then, if you weren't married, I probably wouldn't even know you. How strange is fate that it provides me with my soul mate only to put a kink like that in to it. I would do anything for you, hopefully you realized that last Sunday when I held the cup for you to vomit in. I was completely honest when I told you that I wouldn't do that for just anyone. That not just anyone could vomit on my hand. I know you really don't have any other friends that would have held that cup for you and I really want you to know that I want to be that friend to you. I would give anything to be more than that to you. I want to be your lover, your friend, your shoulder to cry on, and more.

I hope you know that every time I see you and can't have you I die a little more inside. It breaks my heart that we can't be together, but I knew that from the beginning of our friendship.
I will try to be just friends. I will lock my feelings up inside. I will watch football and drink beer with you. I will send you text forwards. I will hang out with you whenever you call needing a friend.

But I will never be able to look at you and see just a friend. I will never be able to look at you without thinking about what might have been. But I won't stop being your friend and I won't stop being in love with you.

Poison

So Sunday night I went with my friends Justin, Jana, Jessica, and their friends Tab and JT to the Poison concert. I'm not really a fan of classic rock, but I do like Poison and some others, mostly the ones that I grew up with. Ran into my friend Nick before the concert, then proceeded to have a blast, never sitting down for the whole 2 hours. We had done some drinking before the concert, and I had one more beer at the concert, but Justin took a shot of whatever his buddy Kyle was drinking and then proceeded to vomit before I could grab my empty cup for him. I held the cup for him to finish puking in and we had a great friendship bonding moment. He told me he didn't have any other friends that would have held a cup for him to vomit in. After the concert we made our way down to the fair grounds. Kyle and Justin got into a very junior high game or nut slapping. Kyle got a good hit on Justin and he was whining about it, Jana told him to suck it up and I asked him if he needed it massaged. lol. He giggled and held the waistband of his jeans out and I stuck my hand down his pants to my thumb, feeling his pubes and nothing more. Not going any farther I grabbed his jeans and jerked him along with us as we were heading out to roam around the fair grounds before going to the van. We stopped at McDonalds and grabbed a bite to eat before heading home.
Last night I dreamed that me and Justin were in the same position but he invited me to go further with him. I denied his request with "if I didn't respect your wife so much, I would." Then I ended up asking if different things would be considered cheating, from a BJ to a hand job. lol. Didn't get to finish that dream as I faded into another that I don't remember.