Why

I Want To Fly Away
Echos of light, Shining out of the midst of
Nothing, Brighter than any Unnatural light...
Illuminating My Darkened path


Why does it eat me up inside to consider telling my parents that I'm gay? Am I worried that they will love me less? Maybe. Am I worried that they will disown me? Maybe. Should I be worried that their love is conditional? No, but I do. They must know, surely after 26 years of knowing me, they know. Right? Why can't people be born with instruction manuels? It would make things so much easier. "In case of turn to chapter..." See, much easier. Hmm, maybe someone should write one of these manuals.
But really, why is it so hard to tell the people I love and so easy to tell a stranger on the street? People I know have already formed opinions about me. That's the problem, do I tell them something that will change the way they see and think about me? Is it my place to inform the ignorant of something so blatently obvious? Is Ignorance truly bliss? Maybe that works in more than one way. Am I truly happy knowing that my family doesn't "know" something this personal about me? Are they? Is leading a double life really worth the stress, worry and angst that goes along with it? Why can't everyone just know? Why does this have to be so damned hard?
Hopefully answers are forthcoming.
till then...