I'm mostly using this blog as an outlet for my feelings and observations about my life. I don't update regularly, but only when something of interest happens in my life.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Do you know how hard I have to try so that I don't overstep our growing friendship? Do you know how much I really want to kiss you when you look at me with that half smile?
Do you know how hard you make it for me to tell myself no every time?
Do you know how often I think about you though out the day?
Do you know how much you seem to unintentionally flirt with me when we are around each other?
If you ever divorce, do you know how fast I will be at your side?
Do you know that I sit on the fence between respect for your marriage and lusting for you?
All this and then, if you weren't married, I probably wouldn't even know you. How strange is fate that it provides me with my soul mate only to put a kink like that in to it. I would do anything for you, hopefully you realized that last Sunday when I held the cup for you to vomit in. I was completely honest when I told you that I wouldn't do that for just anyone. That not just anyone could vomit on my hand. I know you really don't have any other friends that would have held that cup for you and I really want you to know that I want to be that friend to you. I would give anything to be more than that to you. I want to be your lover, your friend, your shoulder to cry on, and more.

I hope you know that every time I see you and can't have you I die a little more inside. It breaks my heart that we can't be together, but I knew that from the beginning of our friendship.
I will try to be just friends. I will lock my feelings up inside. I will watch football and drink beer with you. I will send you text forwards. I will hang out with you whenever you call needing a friend.

But I will never be able to look at you and see just a friend. I will never be able to look at you without thinking about what might have been. But I won't stop being your friend and I won't stop being in love with you.


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