I'm mostly using this blog as an outlet for my feelings and observations about my life. I don't update regularly, but only when something of interest happens in my life.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Cody and Deven

OK, so last week I was invited to a party on the 1st. Well, let me start with Halloween. Melissa, India and I went to Hank's for a few drinks and to see all the people that dressed up. lol. Melissa and I didn't dress up but India did. Anyway, and I'm leaving out the part where we went to City Limits cause nothing interesting happened there. After the bar closed, we took India home and then went to an after party at our friend Kyles house. Hazel's dad was there for a while, eventually I was tired and ready to go home, but the girls wanted to talk, so I went upstairs to Kyles room and curled up next to him for a while. The girls came in around 4 or so and Melissa made me get up and go home. All in all I was up till 5 then had to get up and watch Melissa's kids from 10-2 Saturday while she was at work.
After Melissa got home, I went and paid rent and insurance for the month then went home and slept from 2 to 5. After I woke up, I went to Dani's house and borrowed her costume for the party. Ate dinner, watched one of my shows, then headed to Salina to meet up with Laurie. When we finally got to Cody and Devens house, I met the guys, then changed into my costume. We joined to party downstairs and started drinking. Everything was great, the company, the drinks, the snacks, the whole atmosphere was fun. Finally around 2 or so, everyone started leaving. Laurie asked me if I wanted to go with her to her house or stay at Cody and Deven. I told her that I didn't feel like I should be in a moving vehicle and that I would prefer to stay there. She said that was OK and went home. I told the guys good night and went into the spare room and laid down. A few minutes later, Cody comes in and shoves his tongue into mouth and starts feeling me up. After a few seconds (it seemed) he stopped and asked if I was good to go. I told him no, that I was too drunk for that right now but maybe in a little bit, and he went to their room. I waited for a little bit, got up and went to the bathroom then went and laid down by Cody, who promptly rolled over and cuddled with Deven. I got up and went back to the guest room and went to sleep. I woke up around 7 or 8 and waited till 9 to knock on their (locked) door to tell Deven that I was going home. I asked him to have Cody text or call me when he got up, but I still haven't heard from him.

So, why do I feel like I screwed up and made a wrong choice? I don't know whether Cody was just drunk and horny or if he and Deven were both interested in doing something, but either way I did nothing to be ashamed of or regret (except turning down a possible three way with two totally hot guys). Except now I have this feeling in my gut and I don't know what it is or how to make it go away. Laurie said that Cody was really drunk and probably doesn't remember doing it, and I should just let it go. I just can't stand the thought that he might resent being brushed off and is upset with me, or worse, embarrassed about it. I just met these guys and I would really like to be friends with them, I'm just not sure if they or I am ready for the kind of issues that sex would undoubtedly bring into our friendship. I really don't want them to break up over me or change their lives for me. I also don't know anything about their sex life, whether they are completely monogamous or if they have an open relationship, or if they play together.
That's another thing I've been thinking about. If Deven had also made a pass at me and invited me into their bed, I might have done it. I guess I didn't really feel invited by Cody alone. If Deven wasn't into the idea, then I did the right thing and Deven should have no reason to be upset with me, but if he is with Cody is no of my business. If Deven was into it, then maybe they are both upset with me and I have lost two really cool, really fun friends, just because I didn't want to sleep with them the first time I met them. OMG, I hate drama. If they could have brought up the possibility if this situation happening, I might have made a different choice, but as it was, I made the right choice for the moment. Now I just need to figure out how to get over it and move on, with or without Cody and Deven in my life.


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