I'm mostly using this blog as an outlet for my feelings and observations about my life. I don't update regularly, but only when something of interest happens in my life.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Seeing Anthony

So, I have in the last month gone home with Anthony to his place once, and to my place once. Both times, nothing happened. Oh, sure, he is all about kissing and touching and talking about it, but when we get to the point where we are naked and in bed, nothing. The first time, at his house, he passed out shortly after we got to bed and I left at 3:00am. The next time, at my house, same thing. He passed out and I couldn't sleep with him in the bed, so I slept on my sofa/couch whatever you want to call it. Now he is texting me and calling me wanting to hang out and wondering what I'm doing.
Now, when I'm with him, I find myself thinking about someone else, Matt, who I'm pretty sure I have no chance of being with, but am holding out hope for anyways. I ask myself if I would have left or slept in the other room if Matt had been there. Or if Matt would have passed out on me.
I'm not finding a mutual interest in Anthony. Can't see myself with him in any situation and am asking myself why I took him home twice to begin with. Am I that desperate for attention or am I taking pity on him? I don't mind being friends with Anthony, as long as he understands that we're not dating and nothing is ever going to happen between us beyond what has happened, which is not much of anything.
I guess I'm looking for a voice of experience or wisdom to help me, but I'm not sure what I need help with. Would it be best to tell him that I only want to be friends, and that he should not expect me to "hang out" with him in my free time?
Anyway, that's my drama for the month. Hope everyone else is having a great October.


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